Tag: audio fiction

The Oz 9 ship against a starry sky. Some characters are visible through the windshield.

episode 104: #GreatSatansBoletes

Published December 7, 2024

YOU have a dirty mind. “Satan’s Boletes” doesn’t mean *THAT*. Although it does translate to “Great Satan’s Fun Guys,” so maybe it’s still worth a giggle, as Mrs S says.

Welcome to episode 104. Please put your tray tables and seat backs in the upright, we’re-all-going-to-die position, because, well, it’s Oz 9, and as usual, everything is trying to kill you.

Let’s just say our sound designer, dialogue editor, and voice actors pulled out ALL the stops on this one, so maybe dust off the old earbuds for a really good listen. I’d say it’s “immersive,” but y’all, you do NOT want to get immersed in this mess, so immerse-adjacent is probably best. Like wading.

TRANSCRIPT

Anyway. You’ve been listening to:

Eric Perry as Joe and Dr. von Haber Zetzer
Pete Barry as stupid, horrible Bob
Kevin Hall as Greg
David S. Dear as Doctor Theo Bromae
Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle
Lee Shackleford as Pluto
Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2
And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator

John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Thanks also to Kyle Jones for the episode artwork refresh! Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network. Please check out our awesome sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors.

Today we’re recommending the podcast Sorry About the Murder! In a nice little Canadian town, a Zamboni driver must solve a murder to clear his Québecois name … then ready the ice for tonight’s hockey game. By the folks who brought you Human-B-Gon! Check it out on Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.

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episode 103: A hungry long-tailed weasel

Published November 23, 2024

Oz 9 recently turned six, and while most of the crew asked for a quick and painless death for their birthday wish, we’re still here. (If you want to give us a prezzie, we do have a Patreon, just sayin’…..)

Anyway, there are fun things that happen in this episode, which is odd, so you probably don’t want to miss it. Bring confetti. But don’t throw it because it REALLY makes Joe nuts.

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to.

Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Vera and Julie
Sarah Rhea Werner as Pipistrelle
Eric Perry as Joe and Dr. von Haber Zetzer
Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie
Lee Shackleford as Pluto
Kevin Hall as Greg
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Pete Barry as Bob
Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two
Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator and deserves her per diem

John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network. Please check out our awesome sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors.

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episode 102: We’re in space, Felber

Published November 10, 2024

Some old nemesisisisisisises have reappeared, and that’s … unfortunate. But at least Bob has some colourful brochures to distract our team from their impending doom. So…. how many oceans is “too many,” do you reckon?

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to…

Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius
Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle
Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna
Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer, Mr. Southers, and Joe
Pete Barry as Bob
Lee Shackleford as Pluto
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia
David S. Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae and Tiberius
Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2.
And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator

John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors.

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episode 101: “Crap” indeed. Meanwhile…

Published October 31, 2024

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Do you have ANY IDEA the literally dozens of hours you’ve wasted with this bunch of smooth-shelled walnuts? (and yes, that’s a reference to their brains, I just couldn’t quite make it work the way I wanted). I mean, it’s probably not enough time to cure cancer or invent a really good cable organizing system, but you could have latch hooked a really nice rug by now, or made a portrait of Elvis with little rolled up gum wrappers, AT LEAST.

You know what? Forget it. Do want you want. I’m done. Seriously.

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to:

Sarah Rhea Werner as Pipistrelle
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia
David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae and Tiberius
Eric Perry as Joe, Dr. von Haber Zetzer, and Mr. Southers
Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Lee Shackleford as Pluto
Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius
Dr. Vikram Baliga, who would have been so much more helpful in Season 4, as himself
Mark “Stooch” Restuccia as himself
Introducing Pete Barry as Bob Ersat of the West Jersey Ersatz
Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2
and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator.

John Faley is our music director, and our awesome artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors.

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Captain’s Blog #7: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Captain’s Blog #7: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Published July 26, 2024

Yep, things are weird. I expected weird, but I mostly expected green people with bald heads and huge eyes weird. I’ve got a whole different crate of weird going here. Like, for example, I wanted to figure out why the D&G wing melted down, right?

Olivia wouldn’t let me.

ELECTRIC SHOCK wouldn’t let me. We figured out the tanners in the pods got cranked up to “bake,” which is weird that there’s even a setting that high, but whatevs, Gated Galaxies, you do you. Anyway, I was trying to get to the circuits, but every time I did, she just said, “It’s not my fault” and blocked me. She wouldn’t tell me where the problem was, and when I tried to follow the lines, I got zapped!

The only one who can get answers out of her seems to be our shirtless hacker, Leet. That’s a little creepy too. If she had hands, I’m pretty sure she’d be the one who took his shirts.

Anyway, we’ve lost a bunch of rich folks—Olivia says it’s about 5 percent who got toasted just after launch. Speaking of rich folks, Colin seemed to know a lot of them, or at least their names. And I’m pretty sure I saw him either crying or giggling over the list. But hey, with that accent, he’s totally working class, so maybe he cleaned their chimneys or something.

Meanwhile, I’m still looking for the proper manuals for the ship. I mean, I totally shouldn’t be here — I never finished Basic Training. Hell, I didn’t even get through the pre-training video, and it’s only 11 minutes of bad music and “you can do it,” “are you feeling juicy?!” rah rah team-building crap. I found an ancient Mandarin <> Modern English dictionary, but the only manual in ancient Mandarin is the one that explains how to open the windows, which probably won’t be all that useful. It took me almost a week to figure out the first sentence, which seems to be “season with brine and fugu,” but I could have that wrong.

不要打开他妈的窗户，你这个白痴。

Anyway, the passenger manifest is below. If nothing else, their families should have some record of what happened to them. Maybe not the truth, though. I mean…. ending up on the windshield of a spacecraft is a bit…what’s the word? gouache.

More soon. Ish.
Captain out.

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episode 100: Suitless, helmetless, and utterly baffled

Captains Madeline and Jessie smiling (sort of) at one another in front of the Oz 9.

episode 100: Suitless, helmetless, and utterly baffled

Published June 25, 2024

Well, ain’t this a kick in the underpants? No one would have believed, on that random Tuesday in 2142, that the Oz 9 would still be kicking (mumble) months later. And yet, as we stare down the barrel of our 100th full episode, well, here we still are, just to the left of Uranus, clueless and shivering in the dark.

But isn’t that just the human condition, basically? I mean… if we’re going to philosophize….

Oh, let’s not. Pour yourself something naughty and well-deserved, prepare tissue for the inevitable nosebleed, and roll the episode. Happy 100, Space Monkeys — so glad to have you still on board. And to have a board for you to be on. You know what I mean.

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to:

Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna
Shannon Perry as Captain Madeline
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily
Eric Perry as Joe, Howard, and Dr. von Haber Zetzer
Sarah Rhea Werner as Pipistrelle
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
Kevin Hall as Greg
Lee Shackleford as Pluto
and with our very special guests:
Dr. Vikram Baliga of the genuinely brilliant podcast Planthropology, as himself!
And the fabulous podcast Mission: Rejected lent us John Dowgin, Faith Dowgin, Emmet Dowgin and Caden Dowgin, who played all our ghosts.
Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two,
And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator

John Faley is our music director, and our awesome artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Thanks to Kyle Jones for so much great artwork that we keep forgetting to thank him for, but whatever, tour guide.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network! Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors.

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Captain’s Blog #6: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Captain’s Blog #6: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Published June 12, 2024

Yeah, so what I expected to happen isn’t what happened. I thought I was going to jump into my pod and wake up to push the “Terraform Now” button. Instead, I’m already awake, and we basically just passed the moon. OUR moon. Earth’s moon. Like, the one you can see out your childhood bedroom window and dream about visiting for your ENTIRE youth….ness. Is that a word? Youthness?

Anyway, I didn’t actually expect to see it this time. Once out of earth’s atmo, I crawled into my pod, cranked up the sleepy stuff, and yawned off for the next quarter century or so. Twenty-eight minutes later, I’m getting “wakey wakey” from some little street urchin with the history of humanity crammed in its weird little head (plus a lot more besides, as she constantly reminds us), and there’s a stinky janitor, and things have already gone pretty wrong. Oh, and if you look at the port-side windows, you can see the moon.

But, the Oz 9 was one of the few that made it past launch, so I guess I’m not the biggest eff-up in the fleet? That said, the D&G wing totally melted down, a bunch of our “resting” guests are now “eternally resting” guests, and we accidentally hit the ship behind us with a windshield-full of human goo, so the bar for biggest eff-up is REALLY low.

I got to meet the rest of the crew, so that’s a good thing, I suppose. Leet is this sort of giant who claims to be a hacker but doesn’t seem to recognize technology, Joe’s the stinky janitor who mops obsessively and sneaks up on you, and Colin — I have no idea what Colin does other than sip his martini and complain. I thought the manuals on the bridge and in the crew room were fakes, like a joke, because none of them is in English, but we haven’t been able to find the real ones, and our AI claims her translation circuits are offline.

Speaking of the AI, Olivia … I don’t know what to say. The jury is out for lunch, as they say. Something very shifty happened in those 28 minutes, and the ship’s cameras are, of course, under Olivia’s control. Here’s hoping she’s not the culprit.

Captain out.

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episode 98: Something is coming

episode 98: Something is coming

Published May 26, 2024

It’s time to check under the bed, make sure the closet doors are firmly shut, tuck any clown dolls in your siblings’ rooms or the freezer, and crank up the nightlight — things are getting spooky on the Oz 9.

“Something is coming,” and it’s probably not bearing ice cream or prezzies. The crew of the 9 are in trouble, and though this is no big surprise, it is nearly the end of the season, so you never know….

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to:

Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Lady Nibble Biscuit
Eric Perry as Joe, Dr von Haber Zetzer, and Howard
Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
David S Dear as Doctor Theo Bromae
Sarah Rhea Werner as Pipistrelle
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Kevin Hall as Greg.
Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two,
And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator.

Our music is composed and performed by John Faley; Lucas Elliott creates our artwork. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor. Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Be sure to check out all the great shows at fableandfolly.com.

This episode is dedicated to the memory of one of our favorite forever space monkeys, Kate Wallenga. We love and miss you, Kate. You will always matter.

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Captain’s Blog #5: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Am image of the Oz 9 spaceship against a background of, well, the Oz 9 spaceship.

Captain’s Blog #5: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Published April 25, 2024

Apparently the text for “early training” was actually a “get here quick, we gotta go now,” because they just loaded up the crew pods. I could only see them from a distance, but one pod was enormous. It took eight guys and two forklifts to get it in. I heard a weird electronic squeal when they got it aboard. Probably just the overloaded forklift, but it sounded almost human.

Anyway, I guess the Congressional inquiry wrapped up faster than expected, which is great news. Means the ships are spaceworthy and ready to roll! As the captain, I have to pod myself after takeoff. It’s kinda crazy that they want us to pilot ourselves out of Earth’s atmosphere when they’ve got the ships practically on top of each other, but they say we can “draft” each other that way and save fuel.

There are about 30 ships in our launch area, and the combined rumble and thrum of that many engines is incredible. Apparently it’s blowing out windows up to 4 miles away. Oops. Someone’s getting fired! Crap. I hope it’s not me. It can’t be me, can it? I really should start reading the emails they send me.

Hang on. Someone’s waving me over.

(Later)

Holy shizznits, kids, I’M ON BOARD THE NINE! She’s the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my whole life. I mean, the bridge is so new, everything is still covered in bubble wrap (YESSSS!), and I had to use my pocketknife to get rid of the packaging. Even the helm had a strip of paper around it reading, “Sanitized for your safety.” I cut that ribbon like a Mayor at a mall.

I’ve been running through the takeoff protocol, which is on a Post-it note on the arm of my chair. You’d think it’d be a bit more … detailed? But it’s basically “poke this button, poke this button, pull this lever, pray.” “Pray” is unsettling, but I’m getting that G2 has a sense of humor. I just found the “manual,” and it’s in some funky language I don’t speak. Cut ups, man.

As soon as we’re safely out in space, I’ll crawl into my pod and wait for Earth-point-two to appear on our horizon. I hope they remember to take the newspaper off the front window thingy.

Captain out.

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