Tag: Oz 9 podcast

Am image of the Oz 9 spaceship against a background of, well, the Oz 9 spaceship.

Captain’s Blog #5: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Published April 25, 2024

Apparently the text for “early training” was actually a “get here quick, we gotta go now,” because they just loaded up the crew pods. I could only see them from a distance, but one pod was enormous. It took eight guys and two forklifts to get it in. I heard a weird electronic squeal when they got it aboard. Probably just the overloaded forklift, but it sounded almost human.

Anyway, I guess the Congressional inquiry wrapped up faster than expected, which is great news. Means the ships are spaceworthy and ready to roll! As the captain, I have to pod myself after takeoff. It’s kinda crazy that they want us to pilot ourselves out of Earth’s atmosphere when they’ve got the ships practically on top of each other, but they say we can “draft” each other that way and save fuel.

There are about 30 ships in our launch area, and the combined rumble and thrum of that many engines is incredible. Apparently it’s blowing out windows up to 4 miles away. Oops. Someone’s getting fired! Crap. I hope it’s not me. It can’t be me, can it? I really should start reading the emails they send me.

Hang on. Someone’s waving me over.

(Later)

Holy shizznits, kids, I’M ON BOARD THE NINE! She’s the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my whole life. I mean, the bridge is so new, everything is still covered in bubble wrap (YESSSS!), and I had to use my pocketknife to get rid of the packaging. Even the helm had a strip of paper around it reading, “Sanitized for your safety.” I cut that ribbon like a Mayor at a mall.

I’ve been running through the takeoff protocol, which is on a Post-it note on the arm of my chair. You’d think it’d be a bit more … detailed? But it’s basically “poke this button, poke this button, pull this lever, pray.” “Pray” is unsettling, but I’m getting that G2 has a sense of humor. I just found the “manual,” and it’s in some funky language I don’t speak. Cut ups, man.

As soon as we’re safely out in space, I’ll crawl into my pod and wait for Earth-point-two to appear on our horizon. I hope they remember to take the newspaper off the front window thingy.

Captain out.

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Captain’s blog #4: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Published April 9, 2024

OK, it’s weird how many sandwiches they keep loading onto the ship — I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, given the atomic cloud of pot smoke that came out of the 9 when they opened the cargo door this morning — but it’d be nice if they invited the CAPTAIN to the picnic, sheesh. And the pre-picnic; apparently there’s no pee test to be a space captain, WOOT!

They actually started loading up some of the pods already. That’s crazy to see. All these totally posh folks with these weird looks of horror frozen on their faces, being loaded up on dollies and wheeled aboard. One guy had to have an extension on his pod because he was holding a martini and couldn’t put his arm down. I mean, come on….. It’s not like he’ll be taking a sip for the next 25 years or so.

I think I saw one of my crew, the janitor maybe? sneaking around, trying to get in. He looks a little familiar, like maybe I knew him when I was a kid or something? Anyway, I was mostly distracted that the dude’s pants were falling down. Like, srsly, get a belt. Sheesh. They call ME “Madpants”….

Oooooo, weird. They just fired up the engines. They’ve had some systems running for a while, mostly to get the ship oxygenated and to prep for the pods, but this is the first time I’ve heard the full engines. It’s amazing; I can feel it in the ground, running up from my feet, through my body, and making my hair stand on end. This is what excitement feels like, if you could feel it. I mean you CAN feel it, I know I know, but I mean if you could feel it externally rather than infernally.

Heard one of the stevedorks talking about how he wouldn’t fly on one of these Oz model 8000s because apparently they were bought at a “fire sale.” Like a for-real fire sale, like if they didn’t find a buyer, they were just going to set them all on fire. What a waste that would have been. I mean… look at her! She’s the most beautiful thing I ever saw.

Just got a text for the crew to report for “early training.” Weird….

Captain out.

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episode 96: Why is there a bar on the bridge?

Julie against a background of the Oz 9 ship.

episode 96: Why is there a bar on the bridge?

Published April 7, 2024

I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

Have you ever met a Kestochalian? Actually, you might have. They’re sort of lovely, except when you want to thump them on the snoot. Which, to be fair, is true of a lot of living things. Also my computer. Which, if it had a snoot, would have been thoroughly thumped on today.

ANYWAY, we made something for you, and if you’ve ever made a huge Sunday meal, this is kind of like that. We slaved all day, it’ll be over in 20 minutes, and then we start over. Do I sound crabby? I feel kind of crabby.

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to:

Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
Kevin Hall as Greg
Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna
Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily
Lee Shackleford as Pluto
David S. Dear as Dr Theo Bromae
Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer, Howard, and Joe
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Sarah Rae Werner as Pipistrelle
Kyle Jones as Narrator Two
And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator

Thanks to Stan Sitzman for the “doffing of gas mask” noise, and Chris Nadolny Gourley for the cocktail umbrella sound!

John Faley is our music director, and our awesome artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Shannon Perry is our sound designer.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network! Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors.

Freesound sounds used in this episode:

Cutting Lemon Or Orange by IENBA — https://freesound.org/s/703058/ — License: Creative Commons 0
thud pint glass beer down on table wood knock door Vows.flac by kyles — https://freesound.org/s/454222/ — License: Creative Commons 0
Charcoal Foley.wav by UlyssesAtSea — https://freesound.org/s/648136/ — License: Creative Commons 0
freezing machine turn on.ogg by kyrika84 — https://freesound.org/s/347428/ — License: Creative Commons 0

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Captain’s blog #3: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Published March 21, 2024

The activity around my ship has really picked up. So many big boxes are being loaded in, but they won’t show me what’s inside, which feels weird, but one guy said he “doesn’t want to spoil the surprise.” Oooookaaaaay. Still, surprises! Yay!

I’ve caught a couple of glimpses around the edges, and I think it’s mostly familiar stuff to make the humans feel at home on our new planet. Not sure if we’ll be able to make cotton candy right away, but hey, when the time comes, we’ll be ready! What effect does funky gravity have on candy floss?

I’m dying to get in there and explore, but a couple of days ago, they brought a guy out on a stretcher. Apparently he got lost in there and nearly starved, so that’s worrying. They reassured me the ship would be fully sign posted, and we could always call out to the AI for help. PHEW. Forgot about the AI.

More boxes. More giggling. I think I’d feel better about all this if the dudes loading the ship didn’t reek quite so much of pot, Southern Comfort, and Creme de Menthol, or whatever it’s called. Wait…. that’s not right. Cream de Menthol? Whatever.

I did get close enough to put my hand on the ship. They say nothing’s up and running in there, so maybe I was just feeling the vibration of all the stuff being moved in, but I definitely felt something….. like, thirteen beats of hum, then a skip*. And something weird, every now and again, like a giggle. Especially when I moved my hand. Dunno. Maybe the 9 is ticklish.

Oh, just got word that we should alert our crews to be on board tomorrow for a briefing. I think the Senate hearing starts tomorrow too, so maybe they’ll tell us more about that. Whatever, don’t care, I just can’t wait to get in there and start captaining. Where did I put my copy of O Captain My Captain You’re a Captain Now?

Outies,
MM

*Merci, ButteredToastInBed for locating the reference and CoolB for making this easier to read!

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episode 95: Spill or be spilled

Mrs S, Madeline and Colin all appear in black and white against a classic noir detective drama background.

episode 95: Spill or be spilled

Published March 14, 2024

Well, cue the sultry saxophone and the wire-brushed cymbals, we’re back for part II of our “noir” wormhole. We had high hopes for this one (as in, high hopes everyone would get shot and this nightmare would finally be at an end), but we’re only down a tour guide, and even he just seems to have wandered off.

Goldipants Detective Agency is hot on the heels of Red (aka Colin Smith aka Horace MacRory), the millionaire gangster whose morals are as slippery as his accent. Will Pluto and Donna track down the bad guy before we lose any more scientists? Will Mrs S and Donna survive their brush with the Big Bad? Also, what the hell’s a nereid?

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to:

Lee Shackleford as Pluto
Bonnie Brantley as Donna
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Tim Sherburn as Colin
David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae
Eric Perry as Joe
Kevin Hall as Greg
With special guest Bob Killion as the Admiral
Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator

Many thanks to one of our all-time favorite podcasts, Mission: Rejected, for loaning us the character of the Admiral. If you haven’t already, be sure to add Mission: Rejected to your list on your podcatcher of choice.

Oz 9’s theme music is composed and performed by John Faley; Lucas Elliott creates our artwork. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor. Shannon Perry is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Be sure to check out all the great shows at fableandfolly.com.

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Captain’s blog #2: Madeline Marks, Oz 9

Published March 13, 2024

I’m pretty sure it hasn’t been a whole week since my last post, but Olivia is insisting it’s Tuesday again, so I guess it is. She says it’s leap year and therefore there are some extra Tuesdays, which I’m almost positive isn’t what I was taught in school, but she’s the AI, so we’re going with it.

Got to get a little closer to my ship today. I was checking out the fins – like, should the weight of the ship be resting on those tiny little legs? Then I heard a loud creak and a huge crash, and they really fast put up a bunch of ladders and tarps and that funky police tape, which they said was necessary only because the festive bunting had been stolen last week. An ambulance arrived shortly after, but apparently that was because one of the other captains got so excited about his ship, he passed out and hit his head.

Which I totally get! I mean, she’s huge and gorgeous, and I get a little light headed when I try to see her top. Granted, last week I passed out trying to shake a spider out of my hair, but you get me. Launch date is still pretty loosey goosey, which is such a gross saying. I mean. What happens to a loose goose? Do their necks just give out and flop over and they drown? Or can they breathe underwater….?

I’m off topic. So glad I don’t have to worry about water or birds or any of that stuff any more. I mean, at least until we find our new planet. I can’t wait to do my on-board inspection. I’m gonna wear my shiniest captain’s bars for that one. Dammit, I gotta remember to get some night vision goggles…

Over and out.

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episode 94: Expensive perfume and cheap shots

Published March 4, 2024

It’s a quiet night on the mean streets of … uhhhhh … doesn’t matter. And it’s not that quiet, either. Lemme start this again.

It’s a Tuesday night, and the Oz 9 has slipped into yet another wormhole. But it’s OK. This one comes with hats.

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to:

Lee Shackleford as Pluto
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Bonnie Brantley as Donna
David S. Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Eric Perry as Joe
Shannon Perry as Madeline
Kevin Hall as Greg
Kyle Jones as your Narrator 2, and
Chris Nadolny Gourley as your Narrator.

Our music is composed and performed by John Faley; Lucas Elliott creates our artwork. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor. Shannon Perry is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry.

We love a good rating and review and promise to decorate your pod with one of those spinny disco ball things if you throw us some stars and stuff. Just sayin’….

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Be sure to check out all the great shows at fableandfolly.com.

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episode 93: A Midsummer Morning After

The Oz 9 ship against a starry sky. Some characters are visible through the windshield.

episode 93: A Midsummer Morning After

Published February 14, 2024

It’s part 2 of this, and then I swear, we’re finished and you can go back to just suspecting how pretentious we are rather than having the receipts.

We know Feb 14 can be a bit rough for some, so we wanted to give you the subtle sounds of barfing fairies to help you get through the day. Just know, we love your goofy, kooky self ALL days of the year.

TRANSCRIPT

You’ve been listening to:

David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae
Kevin Hall as Greg
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer
Shannon Perry as Olivia
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle
Bonnie Brantley as Duckweed, Wooly Sedge, Horsetail, and Cattail.
Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2,
And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator.

Our music was composed and performed by John Faley, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. The glorious madrigal music you hear at the beginning was created by John Faley and performed by John Faley, Tanya Faley, and Emily Faley.

Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Shannon Perry is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Who will deny it if asked.

The trailer is for a show we love and that is written, produced, and stars our own Julie: Chrisi Talyn Saje. You’ll find Madison On The Air wherever you listen to podcasts.

Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Be sure to check out our awesome podcast siblings at fableandfolly.com.

We’ll see you next time, Space Monkeys. Keep your eyes on the stars, and if you see Cupid, seriously, tell him to adjust his sash.

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episode 92: A Midsummer Night’s … whatever the hell this is

Published February 4, 2024

As Narrator 2 says in this episode, “English majors must perforce English maj,” so here’s the episode you’ve all been dreading: the Fakespeare. Come on, stop whining, you knew it was coming.

If you’re not familiar with A Midsummer Night’s Dream, well, there are lots of really excellent versions out there. We prefer you NOT listen to those, however, as that’s going to make this seem even more torturous than being read Vogon poetry before being shot into space.

That said, it was fun to write and fun to do, so … get over it. Also, the second half should show up on Feb. 14, a day some folks seem to think is special.

TRANSCRIPT

Thou hast been listening to…

David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae
Kevin Hall as Greg
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer
Shannon Perry as Olivia
Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle
Bonnie Brantley as Duckweed, Wooly Sedge, Horsetail, and Cattail.
Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2,
And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator.

Our music was writ by John Faley, and our artwork from the fevered brow of Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding our dialogue did edit, and Shannon Perry our sound design’ed. Lamentably, our story of Oz 9, much like the alien of old, did explode from the head of Shannon Perry and wreaketh much havoc upon a space ship. Check out more nonsense at https://oz-9.com.

Know you now that Oz 9 doth hang about with many a rascally and ill-reputed tale amidst the Fable and Folly Network; go thee hence to fableandfolly.com and there beguile your idle hours with true delights.

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