Yeah, so what I expected to happen isn’t what happened. I thought I was going to jump into my pod and wake up to push the “Terraform Now” button. Instead, I’m already awake, and we basically just passed the moon. OUR moon. Earth’s moon. Like, the one you can see out your childhood bedroom window and dream about visiting for your ENTIRE youth….ness. Is that a word? Youthness?
Anyway, I didn’t actually expect to see it this time. Once out of earth’s atmo, I crawled into my pod, cranked up the sleepy stuff, and yawned off for the next quarter century or so. Twenty-eight minutes later, I’m getting “wakey wakey” from some little street urchin with the history of humanity crammed in its weird little head (plus a lot more besides, as she constantly reminds us), and there’s a stinky janitor, and things have already gone pretty wrong. Oh, and if you look at the port-side windows, you can see the moon.
But, the Oz 9 was one of the few that made it past launch, so I guess I’m not the biggest eff-up in the fleet? That said, the D&G wing totally melted down, a bunch of our “resting” guests are now “eternally resting” guests, and we accidentally hit the ship behind us with a windshield-full of human goo, so the bar for biggest eff-up is REALLY low.
I got to meet the rest of the crew, so that’s a good thing, I suppose. Leet is this sort of giant who claims to be a hacker but doesn’t seem to recognize technology, Joe’s the stinky janitor who mops obsessively and sneaks up on you, and Colin — I have no idea what Colin does other than sip his martini and complain. I thought the manuals on the bridge and in the crew room were fakes, like a joke, because none of them is in English, but we haven’t been able to find the real ones, and our AI claims her translation circuits are offline.
Speaking of the AI, Olivia … I don’t know what to say. The jury is out for lunch, as they say. Something very shifty happened in those 28 minutes, and the ship’s cameras are, of course, under Olivia’s control. Here’s hoping she’s not the culprit.
Captain out.
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