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season 3 episode 9: I’m soft, squishy, and covered in Hollandaise sauce

I’d apologize for this being so late, but if you think about it, I gave you an extra 16-and-a-half Oz-free hours, which is, like, a decade in idiot years.

It’s been a long day aboard the Oz 9. You think bad decision making is easy — Doritos for dinner? Yes, please. Easy! Go for a run or drink chocolate milk with vodka? Vodka. Definitely. Easy! —and yet, it’s exhausting.

So, you’ll get no apology from me, unless I come across one on my way to the couch.


You’ve been listening to:

Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie
Eric Perry as Mr Southers and Dr. Von Haber Zetzer
Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield
Aaron Clark as Ben and le Bichon Frise
Iri Alexander as Julie
June Clark Eubanks as Glenda and the Albatros
David S Dear as Dr Theo and Argus
Shannon Perry as Olivia
Tim Sherburn as Colin
Richard Cowen as Leet
Kevin Hall as Greg
and Richard Nadolny as your Narrator

Our music is composed and performed by John Faley; our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. This episode was directed by June Clark Eubanks. Oz 9 is written and produced by Shannon Perry.

Take care, space monkeys. Until next time!


  1. OOHH man gosh dang it
    stop making me remember things I wrote off three seasons ago
    colin’s wife and all that
    Mr. Southers
    colin’s not actually named colin, his name is Horris I FORGOT THAT oh man
    oh the brownies reminded me that Theobromine is the chemichal name for chocolate, everyone loves chocolate
    everyone loves Dr. Theo Bromae
    Coincidence? I think not!!

    secretly I think Leet is actually very intelligent
    just sayin’

  2. Will Will

    hey narrator did you try jumping through a wormwhole, doing a slingshot around a blackhole, jumping into said blackhole and tapping on the mystical time bending space bookshelf to alter gravity in the past to send a message to your past self and past self’s daughter?

    It worked in Interstellar.
    But then again, so did the spaceships and stasis pods, so . . .

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